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When All Else Fails, Google It.

posted Dec 18, 2011, 8:00 PM by William Alexander
   When I tried my first piece of gluten free "bread".  I was so determined to make sure that I didn't screw up my first bite of  "bread" (gluten-free or other-wise) that I actually researched the different brands in an effort to try and figure out which would be my best bet.  Knowing full well that not all "health" food is created equal and after much debate in my own head, I picked one brand and decided on a "bagel" as my first gluten free adventure. 
    Now, being the smart cookie that I am, I looked up how to make gluten free bread products taste the best and read that toasting it tends to lend to the flavor and overall texture.  So I charred that sucker to within an inch of it's life. Needless to say, the smell coming from the toaster was akin to my dog after a warm rainfall.  After it's thorough grilling, I tried to drown it in butter and strawberry preserves so that it was barely recognizable as a bagel at all.  I really did figure that if my eyes couldn't see what it was, or if it was disguised as something else, maybe my taste buds would ignore any strange flavors or textures.  Keep in mind here that our noses and mouths are still connected despite the diagnosis.  And neither are willing to  give up on the idea that this could all be one HUGE mistake.  Well, I took a bite of that half soggy, crusty burnt over-buttered, strawberry mess and tried to chew it.  My poor family watched me in the grave hope that I wouldn't projectile vomit on them (which I didn't).  However, I did slowly and politely put my napkin to my mouth and spit the GF nastiness into it as I said a few choice words into the napkin. Let's just say that it tasted like my dog's wet fur because it smelled like my wet dog's fur and vice versa.  And as far as I was concerned at that moment in time, gluten free bread sucked. Period.
    Now, allow me to backtrack here, because if you have Celiac's you have been down this road too.  And it is a LONG road, my friend.  Until a doctor tells you that you absolutely CAN NOT have something that has been a staple of your existence for the majority of your life, you don't know frustration (and that's a mild term).  Being a self-admitted picky eater previously, Celiac's only hampered me on a grander scale.  Ironically enough, I was headed out the door to have lunch at Panera (a bread making eatery) when my doc called with the life-altering news.  Only in my world would the cell ring right at that moment.  The first question I asked her was, "What do I do?"  And her answer was,"Well, I need to refer you to a nutritionist."  Honestly, there are very few mainstream dietitians that know enough about Celiac's to school their clients about it.  Most patients (myself included) end up educating their docs and the others around them including friends and family.  So, if my doc didn't know anything about Celiac's and I had no idea what to do next, the only thing I could think of to do was...Google it.

    So I did.